stupid kissing

27/11/2009- is quite a memorable day for me... that night went clubbling with my friends..at first i tot is not fun at all.. suddenly i saw one guy which is quite good looking ...dunno why we dance together already... during the dancing..he suddenly kiss me... is like ar.... the feeling is comfortable but the lesson i need to paid too...why i said so ?? because after that, we exchange contact me as he the 1 dancing with me but after all he no reply at all... so i also drop a message thru his facebook ...afterall...alll the funny thing happen... the way i message him and he replied...

Anyhow, i really get a lesson that.
1. he wont be serious
2.he wanna kiss cuz the feeling is there
3.he still like to play around

or maybe he just not into you...

suddenly i realise that, this is a game which i never explore at all..now little by litttle explore it .. yea... can't denied that i poor in handle relationship ..but is god also let me experience it at least i can handle it... my feeling is hate ..i hate him... but is a good lesson ... cuz just a kiss and nothing to be continue... life is like that..i do believe god will arrange more and more challenge to you wheather you scope it or not ....

my answer is YES...

before this i was keep on thinking the moment we kissing but for him maybe just nothing...but now i my feeling toward him totally fade.... the rasional of mind telling me to do so...
YEA... i can scope it ..Shanny CAN!!

Keep thinking...=speechless

Is really oh my god... i can't stop thinking about him... the only think i can do is just telling myself forget him... and think whatever he not good... is like speechless about this guy...make me feel horrible and scary...i really dunno what am i going to do...so useless.... how to stop thinking, i know is really not worth at all.. but somestimes it really make me want to give him a call and meet him again..just can't stop thinking about that...is so damm shit...help !!!

WHY...

Recently, i felt quite moody and marriage cannot trustable at all. Today, while i driving i cry with no reason... i keep asking the god, why he want to give me so much challenge which i can't take it at all...why i must been thru so many thing but not other and there are alot for me. Can it be fair for me? I remenber i talk to god before, no matter what i been thru i dun mind but at least in the end i can be the one i want but it seem impossible cuz i felt not confident toward guy anymore.i'm so depress.

so complicated...

Recently, i found out that i hate to stay at home always wanna to go and hang out with friend...i'm reallly can't stay what i faced at home. firstly, i dunno why i got such a selfish and playboy dad, second, i really hope my mum can do something for her own and do something is worth it... i really dunno how to release my feeling. Just hate this kind of feeling. Its make me feel always wanna to have a drink ....like wisky, wine etc... ( i'm not using this matter to escape or whatever but its a space for me to enjoy and relax...it do really work..Good).

Missing someone

i think almost 3 three week we never conatct each other...but i so miss him..miss like hell... really freaking me... but anyhow..no matter how i wont call him cuz i dun think any reason cause me to drop him message or give him a call...actually i not hate him at all yet i keep blaming myself actually is me!!! why i wanna to take it...he not serious at all , but i take it serious...why i so blind..so stupid!!!

what can i really do ??? besides miss him and keep in the heart even crying ?? hang out with friend lo.. No matter how hard i try... still feeling broken heart and sad and keep crying... it really make me feel no confident at all le ...dunno what to do... i so sad.... how? God pls help me... i'm very suffer...

wrong decision relationship

But in the end, i also accept him but finally i found out that, there is something wrong between us..he not that caring... so after the movie, i send him a message that i hope get more caring from him and take care..and his suddenly annoying for me for whole week...i was wondering what going on.... finally i get the truth was..he tot i take it as a wrong way ..this and that...the detail part i dun want mention but while u hold my hand, kissing ...what is all this bullshit was... not consider a relationship? Finally i get the lesson, there is other intention behind this...is not real relationship..i very sad cuz when i start to be serious, the truth tell me it wasn't...but in the same time, is luckly for me to get to know this person early and its just pupply love nothing much in further between us...

i dont really like this kind of feeling and feel sad ...why must i been thru all these ...but i realise this is life..life about process..you need to been thru everything and accept it..The most important thing is learn from the lesson..

No matter how, i'm not really hate him just blame my self not enough experience on it..but he do make me feel comfortable and enjoy while going on with him till really fall in love...but all these passed , will take it as memory...

Making a decision

Now... I'm feel that... am i did the correct decision? After he hold my hand, i'm consider accept him? We do go out as couple , go out for movie,dining,drinking...and when he really go to the certain place like oversea...will called and inform me..but i still feel that he not caring enough and he are the type love himself more than other ,can be consider ego also... so..now very confusing...but sometimes i think i should stand his side and think about it..he help his dad to run the biz sure no time even his friend looking for him have to book also....but at least he do tell me the truth when i ask him....(from my perception i can feel it's true), anyhow...one of my friend saying malay is not good to have it ...
1. their parents want them to malay gals in the end
2.they are very pervert

This are the 2 point my friend list it down , and ask me to find a better 1, in stead of malay.From the 2 point , the first point i dun really care...no matter who i be with , i dun think i will think the marriage part, but the second part i slightly do agree on that..from the way he saying and act...

No matter how, i hope lord will help me to do the decision... i will based on the feeling and truth to make the decision...Thanks god!!(kindly guide me)